Lupron

Good morning everyone! Just wanted to give an update on my infertility status. It's getting harder I feel. I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel...but then I think, well what if the Lupron doesn't work? What if I still can't get pregnant? What if i have to do In-Vitro? I can't afford that. What if we adopt? How long will it take? Will I ever be a Mommy? I find myself being sad alot more lately. And I am not sure if it's the Lupron or if it's because my husband has been out of town, or if it's because I am just having all these negative thoughts. I really want to gt through this journey, I am just praying that in the end I will have a baby. That is really the only result I want out of this. It's just so difficult because there is no way to be sure. I have been praying, but we need to get back at church. I feel like we can't go through all of this alone. I explained to my nurse yesterday (got my third shot - I'm halfway through!) how I have been feeling and she explained they normally put people on a low dose Zoloft in this situation. Really? Another drug? Would it be worth it to be on another drug or should I just tough it out? These are the questions racing through my mind that seem to have no good answer!

Another thing I think that is making this a little more difficult for me is the fact that I see my step son so much. I mean I love him, and I am glad we have him 50% of the time, but it is very hard for me to watch him grow up and say all these funny little things and do well at things, but at the end of the day someone else is Mommy. I have very much respect for his mom, and I am glad she is a good mom, in no way do I want to take that from her. I just wish I had it too. And I know jealousy is wrong, but sometimes I can't help it when it comes to this.

So I guess the update is that I'm feeling a little down about everything right now. I'm trying to stay positive but it is proving to be difficult as the weeks and months go by.

Thank you for stopping by my pity party, I'm glad you could make it! =) But in all seriousness (word?) Thanks for listening, I promise for some more upbeat posts in the near future, I just needed to get all of this off my chest!

Making Sacrifices

I have been feeling alot lately that I have been making alot of sacrifices in order to get my life the way I (we) want it to be. Little did I know what was in store for us.

My husband's job has started sending him out of town every to every other week. They said it will be like this for the next three years. First of all. I am going through menopause to have a baby, but if he is never home how will we make a baby? Second of all, even if we did make a baby..he would never be there to help and he would miss out on all the "firsts". Third of all, he already has one son, who we have joint custody of...so he will be missing out alot with him too. He's only five so he still has alot of growing up to do and he needs his Daddy. Fourth of all (if that even makes any sense) he is trying to get through school, which is pretty much impossible when a person is never home. Especially pharmacy school.

So what?...you ask. Because people live like this all the time right? Well maybe they do...but I am not someone who can live like that. And neither is my husband. It's only the first week and we're both miserable. We are literally soul mates and need each other. We're not the type of people who feel okay with never seeing each other. That may work for some people, just not for us. (and I am not saying that the people it works for aren't soul mates so please don't even go there k?)

So here is the game plan. For today. We are selling our house. Yes our house. The first one we ever bought together. The one we completely renovated inside and out. The one I am in love with. But, if it means my husband being able to be home, it will be worth it. So...selling the house, getting an apartment, and husband is going to get a less demanding job so that he can focus on school and being home. We found some apartments that are very nice and affordable for us, and will even have room for us to have one more member to our family =) I feel like in order for our future to be what we want it to be, we need to make some sacrifices, and I have been praying alot and I feel like this is the right decision. It's all part of God's plan. And we're still very young so we have plenty of time to live the "American Dream" so to speak.

So your prayers are really appreciated during this time, while we embark on this new journey. And prayers for a speedy house sale!

I know I said I would blog more, but with all this going on it's making it hard on me..but I am going to try I promise!!

Hope everyone is having a great week!! =)

Meet My New Nephew

Please allow me to introduce you to Tristyn David. He stole a piece of my heart last night at 7:32pm. He weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces and is 22 inches long.

Lupron, New Nephew, and Everything Else

Long time, no blog I know I know! I have committed to two posts a week, at least. So don't worry, I won't leave you hanging again!

So I am about to get my third Lupron shot. It hasn't been too bad so far. I have had some hot flashes, night sweats, and some mood swings for sure. But I can't really tell if the mood swings are because of the shots or because of everything in general. My life seems to have been a roller coaster lately. I have always wanted nothing more than to be a mom....and that is the thing I am having to work hardest at. But I guess good things come to those who wait right? And hard work pays off?? We'll see. It is very very very hard not to be discouraged through this difficult time in my life, but it has brought me much closer to God and to my husband, so that is one positive thing that has come out of this so far. Hopefully within the next year I will be pregnant and have that to be positive about too! =)

Moving on to other things consuming my life, my "sister in law" (husband's little brother's girlfriend [18] ) is having her baby on Wednesday! Well...they are starting her on medicine on Tuesday night to induce her...so I guess it could be Tuesday or Wednesday! I am really excited about it, his name will be Tristyn David. I can't wait to meet him! And of course I will give details when he makes his arrival!

Everything else has been pretty normal I suppose. My step son finished Kindergarten last week. He is officially a first grader now. It is so hard to believe. I love him very much, I haven't shared a lot about him, but a post about that is coming very very soon =) My husband has been traveling a lot for work lately, so that hasn't been great...but absence makes the heart grow fonder...right? I am very ready for him to finish school so he can stop travelling so much! I don't like my job at all, but now that I am taking these shots I have to stay put...I am also ready for my husband to finish school so that I don't have to work anymore! I am not sure how all these women stay home and can afford things, but I am pretty sure it's because their husbands went to college!

Well that is what is going on with me right now! I can't wait to get back into the swing of things...I have so many exciting posts coming soon! Good night everyone!

Five Question Friday and More!

Thanks MamaM! What a good way to end the week! =)

1. Do you have an iPhone and, if so, how do you get apps and what are your favorites?

I don't have an iPhone...I'm still using a Razor! I'm so out of touch!!
2. What is your fondest memory of K-3rd grade?

Oh wow...umm probably playing softball...and sleepovers =)
3. What makes you cringe at the thought of touching?

Snakes, Alligators, cotton balls...I have texture issues people!
4. If you could have any celebrity show up on your doorstep who would it be and why?

Umm good question! Probably Hilarie(sp?) Burton from One Tree Hill...I have been watching that show since I was 15...my husband wants to name our little girl after her character because she reminds him of me =)
5. What would you say is your best physical feature?

My nose. I love it because allll my siblings and I have the same nose, and both my sisters have passed it on to their children...I hope my kids get it too!!

So now I will address the elephant in the room...do you love my new blog design!?! Melissa has been so helpful and I absolutley LOVE this new design...I have committed to at least two blog posts a week, and very shortly I will have a post updating everyone on my infertility journey! I am so excited...this super cute design has inspired me to get back into the kick of things!! Happy Friday everyone!!!

Five Question Friday!

It's been a while since I have done one but I'm back! Thanks MamaM!

1. Take your pick...date night, girls night out, or night out alone?

Date Night...I love spending time with my husband! He's amazing =)
2. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No! But I can sniff my upper lip to where it's stuck to my nose...does that count for anything?
3. What is your favorite flower and why?

Star Gazer Lillies...because they are the first flowers my husband ever sent me for no reason =)
4. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

Save yourself for your husband. Stupid.
5. If you won the lottery, what is the very first thing you would do?

Payoff my car and house. Then I would probably adopt a child

So I have been gone for a while...

Well folks I know I have been gone for a while, but it was definitley a good thing! I have been doing some serious soul searching anf trying really hard to get back to the person I really am, not the one everyone thinks I should be. Over the past few months I have started listening to pop music, pondering getting my nails done, gossiping, and skipping out on church. Now, not that listening to pop music or getting your nails done is a bad thing, it is well, just not me. I like country music for the most part and rock (which is strange but oh well) and I keep my nails short and tidy. So what's with me becoming this other person? Heck if I know. I guess sometimes I just feel like I need to be someone else in order for certain people to accept me. LIke the music I listen to, the clothes I wear, the things I do to my nails and hair, all of these things dealing with my appearance and material things.
But what really matters is what God, my husband, and my step son think about me. And that's pretty much it, and I can tell you right now that I know for a fact they like the real me better! So folks from here on out..you get the real me! Ha! =) So you better get ready because the real me is...well me.


P.S. I got an email a couple of days ago from the blog designer...remember that contest I won a while back? Oh it's soo cute! Can't wait for everyone to see it!!