Friday, June 11, 2010


Good morning everyone! Just wanted to give an update on my infertility status. It's getting harder I feel. I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel...but then I think, well what if the Lupron doesn't work? What if I still can't get pregnant? What if i have to do In-Vitro? I can't afford that. What if we adopt? How long will it take? Will I ever be a Mommy? I find myself being sad alot more lately. And I am not sure if it's the Lupron or if it's because my husband has been out of town, or if it's because I am just having all these negative thoughts. I really want to gt through this journey, I am just praying that in the end I will have a baby. That is really the only result I want out of this. It's just so difficult because there is no way to be sure. I have been praying, but we need to get back at church. I feel like we can't go through all of this alone. I explained to my nurse yesterday (got my third shot - I'm halfway through!) how I have been feeling and she explained they normally put people on a low dose Zoloft in this situation. Really? Another drug? Would it be worth it to be on another drug or should I just tough it out? These are the questions racing through my mind that seem to have no good answer!

Another thing I think that is making this a little more difficult for me is the fact that I see my step son so much. I mean I love him, and I am glad we have him 50% of the time, but it is very hard for me to watch him grow up and say all these funny little things and do well at things, but at the end of the day someone else is Mommy. I have very much respect for his mom, and I am glad she is a good mom, in no way do I want to take that from her. I just wish I had it too. And I know jealousy is wrong, but sometimes I can't help it when it comes to this.

So I guess the update is that I'm feeling a little down about everything right now. I'm trying to stay positive but it is proving to be difficult as the weeks and months go by.

Thank you for stopping by my pity party, I'm glad you could make it! =) But in all seriousness (word?) Thanks for listening, I promise for some more upbeat posts in the near future, I just needed to get all of this off my chest!


  1. I so understand the part about loving your stepson, but knowing that he has a mom...I was in the same situation for years before we had a child of our own. And, I love the girls, but there is definitely a different bond between a mother and her child! We will say prayers that you too will be able to enjoy having your own child - that you do not have to share! I have found blogging for strangers as a great stress relief :)

  2. By about my third month of Lupron, I thought I was going to completely lose it emotionally. You are doing such a good job lady, and I just want to let you know that I know it isn't easy... you are not alone.