Friday, December 31, 2010

2010...almost over!

This year has been a roller coaster for my husband and I. Through infertility, being diagnosed with severe endo, my husband traveling with his job, baby showers, new nephews, surgery, Lupron, and everything else. We survived. Thank goodness. We couldn't have made it through without each other and our prayers and faith.

So what am I looking forward to in 2011? *Hopefully* getting pregnant and having a child! If that's the only good thing that happened to me all year I would be pleased as punch. I would rather have that than anything else. So it's not really a resolution, since well, it's not entirely up to me. But I plan on changing my eating habits a bit, and doing some other things to help our odds. I really really want this year to be "our year". So we'll see.

We're having a little get together at our house tonight with our friends, so we can ring in the new year right!

Happy new Year everyone!

Friday, December 24, 2010

How do I let go and let God?

This past year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride for my husband and I. We have went through a lot of struggles, mostly dealing with infertility. So this is my first cycle after getting off the Lupron and birth control and after having my HSG test done earlier this month. I told myself I would test this morning because today is the first day I would be able to get a positive. I've been feeling for a while now like I was about to start, but I thought hey the symptoms are kind of the same so why not? Well of course, it was negative. I just had it all figured out in my mind that it would've been the perfect Christmas for my husband and I if I found out I was pregnant today, what a blessing it would be. But then I wasn't. And part of me blames myself because I feel like I set myself up to feel this way. I just thought that the timing of everything lined up perfectly so I had to be pregnant. Wrong. Then I thought to myself, if I'm not supposed to get pregnant right now, I won't, right?

I have a hard time with that statement. Because I see so many teen girls and women who are addicted to substances or have other problems getting pregnant all the time. And I have to ask myself, how can someone who can't even drive a car get pregnant, but I can't? How can someone who is addicted to meth get pregnant, but I can't?

And I realize this might be a little dramatic since it's only the first month we've been able to "try" but it still hurts. It still bothers me. So I read a post from another blogger (Hi SIF!) today, and it seems as though we're in the same place with our thoughts. Trying to figure out, how do we just live our life and have fun and accept what we have been given so far? How do I let go and let God? I can't figure it out. I feel like all I can think about is having a baby, or what I can do to increase my chances, what I should eat, drink, etc... So how on earth do I fix this? How do I get back to just enjoying my life and living it without worrying about the baby thing? I have no idea where to even start. But I know I need to get there, and soon because I can't keep setting myself up like this. And my poor husband needs it too, so we can have a normal relationship and have fun and enjoy each other again.

I just want my life back. My happy, less worry filled life.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

2010 Christmas Card

I used Shutterfly this year, and my poor husband, his head is always a little cut off because he is so much taller than us! I'm really pleased with how they turned out! I love love love Shutterfly!! Hopefully next year we will have a new family member to add in the picture! Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

It's been a while...

oh my goodness! Hello world! It has been so long since I have posted or been involved with anything "blogger". It has been a really difficult 6 months for my husband and I, so I decided I needed to focus on everything in my real life! But now I am back in business! =) So what exactly have we been up to? Let me tell you.

- I finished my Lupron shots, started birth control, got off birth control, had an HSG test yesterday and got the go ahead to make babies. I am ecstatic and oh so excited!!!!! Hopefully I can share good news soon! Thoughts and prayers are appreciated! =)

- My step son started first He will be driving before we know it. I love that little guy to the moon and back. He's an angel. Speaking of him though, his mom is about five months pregnant. That was really really difficult for me because I thought I could at least be the first one to give him a sibling, but God has other plans so we're just praying and going with the "flow"

- My husband and I finally seem to be one the same page about all things life. Finances, houses, cars, children, faith, friends, you name it and we are finally on the same page with each other! You would think after almost seven years of being together we would have this down already...but hey better late than never!

As far as everything else goes, we have just been overwhelmed with my hormones and the crazy emotions of infertility! I really hope we are finished with that journey but only time will tell! I'm so glad to be blogging again, I have missed it so much! The support from everyone and getting all of these feelings out is such a stress reliever! So glad to be back! =)