Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Back and Forth

Do you ever have a problem with making a decision? Pfft...I do. Every time I think my mind is made up...I change it! How on earth do I fix it? Two weeks ago I got my hair done, a little darker than I would normally go. Walked out of the salon loving it...two days later...I had pure hatred for my hair. So this past Saturday I got it done, again, to look how it looked before...so I could have avoided wasting my time and money with the whole darker do.

Now I feel the same about my job. I love the people I work with, and my job isn't horrible. But I am at work for 10 hours a day. Granted, one of those hours is lunch, but I usually stay here...so I'm not "technically" leaving. It pays okay, but not the best. And I am just concerned that when we have kids, I will be working here, and having to leave my kids at daycare for ten hours a day! While some people can do this..I don't think I am one of them...I will have to work, at least part time, and the work doesn't bother me...I just wish I could get off work earlier or something. But right now, I know I should be thankful to have a job at all right? So I feel confused as to what I should do. Eventually I would like to just stay home with our kids (or be a teacher if I follow through with school..but I'm not sure about that). Ultimately, my dream is to just stay home and raise my children. But in the mean time, I feel like I am stuck between and rock and a hard place! Once my husband finishes school...I will definitely be able to stay home...it's the mean time I am worried about...

So what do you do for a living? Are you happy with your job? If you stay home with your kids (which I do still consider full time work by the way..probably more work than most jobs!), did you have to make any sacrifices to be able to do this?

Monday, March 29, 2010

Busy Weekend

Wow...Monday got here so fast! My weekend was very busy. Thursday night and Friday night we had my stepson so we got enjoy time with him as usual, which is always a good thing! My sister brought my two nephews over to play with Colton on Friday night, I enjoyed getting to see her and my nephews. Then Saturday morning we went to his soccer game, they are so cute! Then my husband was having some of his buddies over to watch a UFC fight on Saturday night, so I got to go have dinner with one of my closest friends and her sister. We had a blast. I rarely go out with my friends, because well, we just don't have time. All my friends have children and we all work full time, so it makes getting together very difficult and a rare occasion. But we had so much fun!

Then Sunday came. Blah. My brother in law (who is 19) got his girlfriend pregnant and she is due in May. So guess what yesterday was? You guessed it, Baby Shower! (now don't even get me started how she just turned 18 and I don't agree with that but that is merely just my opinion) So we had this baby shower for her, and I am not going to lie, it was a little depressing! But I got over it quickly and thought to myself that my day will come, and when it does, it will be a good thing and I will feel so blessed and never have a negative thought about it.

Then my husband came home and we relaxed and watched The Celebrity Apprentice...we love that show at our house. We've never watched it before, but so far we like it! While it was so nice to see everyone and do so many fun things, I do not see how people run around like that every weekend...I couldn't do it! I was so exhausted last night I didn't even want to eat dinner! It was great to see everyone and make some new memories, but I am already looking forward to doing nothing this weekend. Let's pray this week goes by fast.

How was everyone else's weekend? Mine was super busy as you can tell, our weekends usually just consist of Colton! Happy Monday everyone!

P.S. I just checked out Chrissy's Blog... http://chrissyrenee79.blogspot.com/ and I won a blog makeover! Yay! I am so excited! (I never win anything) Thanks Chrissy!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

And I think I have it bad....

So, unexpectedly my husband got to come home last night! I was very happy about that, and I slept sooo good laying next to him! I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready for a new day.

Then I read about Jeremiah. I do not even have the words to express how much this saddens me for this poor little boy and his family. You can read his story here : http://www.newson6.com/global/story.asp?s=12197993 .

While I myself plan on sending a donation to his family, that is not what I am asking you to do. I just would like you all to sit back and think about your life and how lucky you are to have what you have, and that all the troubles you have been through may have been hard, but I hoped a lesson came out of them. I hope and pray for Jeremiah that he can adapt to having these news things going on with his body, and that he will have the strength to continue doing good things. He looks so sweet and so happy, I just can't read his story without getting tears in my eyes. I too had meningitis when I was 7 months old, so this hits very close to home with me, and makes me realize how lucky I am.

Yesterday I wrote a post on how blah I was feeling because I was tired and cranky. I should be thanking God that I am alive, and well (for the most part) and that I have everything I do. So while I don't expect anyone to donate...because I would never ask for anyone's money, I know everyone seems to be struggling right now, but just find it in your heart to be thankful for everything you do have.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


That is how I have felt the past few days. Friday I just slept all day. Then Saturday the same. Sunday I moved around a lot more, but still mostly just relaxed. Monday was MUCH better...I was up and around and even picked me step son up from school. I heart him so much. He just makes me so darn happy! But then he left off to school yesterday and back to Mommy's house. Then my husband had to leave for two days for work. So I have been feeling REALLY blah and sad these past couple of days. I am sure it is just my hormones and everything from the surgery, yesterday morning I had a meltdown on my poor husband before he left for out of town. I just cried and said I didn't want him to leave and I didn't understand why he would want to be with a woman who had all these issues, when he could just be with one who could get pregnant right away...easy peasy. He said I don't care about what I could have with anyone else, I love you. And while it made me feel better, he still left and I am still feeling blah and insecure.

Anyone else ever feel like this? I am sure it will pass. And I am sure it's my hormones. You see right in the middle of all this recovery, I started. Yes Aunt Flo showed her face. And it's horrible this time because it's what a period is supposed to be like, not like any I've ever had before! But the Dr said it would be that way.

So I don't mean to throw myself a pity party...but just getting these feelings out makes me feel better. Thanks for listening!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010


Hello everyone! I survived the surgery! Not near as bad as I thought it would be...but still in no way fun or what I had in mind for this weekend.

Anyways, my Dr removed all the Endo except it is inside my left tube. He couldn't get in there without doing damage, so in two weeks I will start medication to rid my tube of this nasty stuff! My right tube was super...so that is good news. He also found that my uterus is shaped like a heart, not a triangle. So he had to go in and snip part of my uterus in order for it to be shaped like a triangle, because otherwise I would miscarry should I ever get pregnant. But the outcome wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear.

The medicine he is going to give me will stop my cycles while I am on it. But I guess that will be okay, considering the Dr said he won't be comfortable with us trying for six months. He said his main concern is where he snipped my uterus. He wants us to wait six months before we try again because he wants to be sure it healed properly, because you guessed it, it can heal back into a heart shape! He said it's rare, but anything is possible with my silly body.

So...this was definitely a surgery that was needed. I'm not exactly thrilled with the outcome, but I am over-joyed to finally have some answers. It's amazing how much can change in two weeks. I am trying to think positive about everything. If nothing else, this is definitely teaching me patience.

So...Patient I will be.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Nervous and Hungry

Well everyone...tomorrow is the big day! Which means I am nervous. It also means I could only eat breakfast this morning. Only liquid type foods until noon, only clear liquid after that. And today is my long day at work. Bah Humbug I should have taken today off. Anyway...I am very nervous for what they might find tomorrow. I think I am more nervous about that than I am the actual surgery itself, but I have been praying and God has given me a lot of peace about the whole situation. Everyone here has also helped tremendously. I can't thank you all enough for your prayers and encouragement.

Well...until tomorrow everyone.

Wish me luck and say your prayers! Thanks SO much!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Sooo....I had my pre-op yesterday. And now I am starting to get nervous. I hate the though of being "put under"...but hey if this helps me get pregnant....I will do whatever it takes! I have to be at the hospital Friday at 6:15 AM...surgery will start around 7:15 or 7:30, and could last up to two hours, but may not last that long. It just depends what they find in there! My Dr said that he will take pictures with the scope inside, and he will go out and show my husband and talk to him and tell him what they found. Then after I "come to" he will come in and explain everything to me. I am just praying that this is the blessing we have been waiting for. I have been praying a lot, and hoping a lot.

When you say your prayers...please include my husband and I as we go through this. I hope this surgery will lead us to have a little one.

I hope it is finally our time.

Thanks again everyone, it means the world.

Monday, March 15, 2010


One of these days I might do a giveaway from ME. But hey it's not always about me! Today it's about this wonderful woman!! ....


She is giving away a free blog makeover! So go post a comment and follow her...because her blog is SUPER cute!

hint-hint...I really wish she had a button for me to grab =)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

This is where it gets ugly

So I have been thinking a lot lately. And doing some soul searching. And thinking. And I have thought about many things, mostly things about myself (I know how selfish right?) But most of the things I have been thinking of are things I would like to change. What's the biggest issue I have that I would like to change? Well let me tell you...it is....


I know it's a horrible thing to be. And I hate it. I really do.

And what exactly am I jealous of? People with kids. Women who get to stay home and not work. Women who know how to cook. People who get off at 4:00. People with huge beautiful homes. People with super nice cars. People who seem to "have it all".

We all know people like this don't we? I know I do. Everyone around seems to be like that, have everything they ever wanted. But then I stop to think about it. And I wouldn't trade my life for the world. I have the best husband in the world (in my opinion ladies, calm down), a wonderful step son who fortunately I have a great relationship with, a beautiful house, and a decent car.

But here's where it gets tricky for me. The kid - not mine. The house - not huge/new. The car - not a Range Rover.

So when I see people that have all these, I focus so much on what I don't have that I forget to focus on what I do have. The other thing is, I don't know what those people have gone through to get what they have. Maybe years of hard schooling, maybe working 12 hour days everyday, maybe having to sacrifice time with their family. And then I am back to being thankful for what I have, and remembering to tell myself that I am only 22. I feel like a 35 year old trapped in the body of a 22 year old.

So my goal is to stop being so jealous, stop worrying about material things. Stop caring who has nicer things or more kids than I do. My day will come, and I will feel so blessed when it does.

It's very hard to admit these types of things. Especially on here where anyone and everyone can read it. But I did it. I admit that sometimes, I get jealous. But I am also letting everyone know right now, that I know it isn't right and I plan on fixing it. I have a great life, and it is the life God has given me, and for that alone i should be thankful.

So I am.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Remember Vintage Pearl?

Well she is doing ANOTHER give away! Yep that's right...so head on over to her blog and check it out! This stuff is soo cute!

Five Question Friday!

Feeling like being honest on this lovely Friday? Well click the button on the side to go to My Little Life to get the link for Five Question Friday! And have fun!

My Little Life

1. How much time do you spend on the computer a day?
Way too much! I sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day at work, then go home and usually get on the computer before bed!

2. Will you pay for your children's college or raise them to pay for their own way?
We will try to pay for it as much as possible, I know how helpful it would have been for us to have someone pay for it! But we will also teach them how to save and spend $$ responsibly.

3. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes three. The first one, I wrecked my dad's truck into his shed with my friend when I was 13! (No, he wasn't very happy) The next one, when I was 17, someone ran a stop sign and totaled my car! And the last one was just a fender bender! Luckily I was never hurt in any of them!

4. What is your favorite book?
The Pact by Jodi Picoult. Love it.

5. Do you make your bed everyday?
No, my husband is usually still in bed when I leave for work! (and no he doesn't usually make it lol) Although every once in a blue moon I come home and the bed is made...very nice!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I can't believe I haven't told you about...

My best Valentine's day ever!

Let me just give you some background info real quick - My husband and I did not have a wedding. We simply went to the court house and got married. No family, no friends. Just him and I. Sooo....of course...we never had our first dance. Which brings me to Valentine's Day 2010.

I worked all day and we usually get my step son every Friday. I got off work...like normal. Went home...like normal. I expected to see my husband and step son.

Not the case.

My husband wasn't even home. But what did I find when I walked in the garage door?

I walked in to a dining room with roses on it, a box, and a note. I open the note and it says "hey baby I wanted this to be your best Valentine's Day ever, so open your gift, put it on and I will be home soon". (I know what you are thinking but this post is all PG, I promise!) I opened the box, it was a dress, a cocktail dress. A pretty little black one. My first thought is oh no I need to shave my legs! So i hurry to the bathroom, shave my legs, and get my dress on just in time to hear my husband come inside. He went to my favorite restaurant and got us salad and meals. Yummy. I was so distracted by shaving my legs, getting on my dress, and updating my make up that I hadn't noticed the rest of the house.

After we ate, he walked me into our back living room. Are you ready for this? He went to Lowe's...bought wood paneling...and built a dance floor in the middle of the living room. OMGosh right? He even went as far to make a CD with songs on it that reminded him of me. It was great. Beautiful.

The last song came on and I said "this song reminds me the most of you" and he said me too, I wanted to save the best for last.

So just like Kenny Chesney said in his song...Babe - You Save Me. Everyday.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

And the winner is....Endometriosis!

That's right everyone. This new fabulous, wonderful, caring, awesome Dr diagnosed me with it yesterday. How did my regular docs miss this one? He says I have all the symptoms (they are very mild though).

So where do I go from here? Surgery. Next Friday. They are going to go in and remove all the spots of Endometriosis and then all should be well! He said as soon as I heal we can start trying again. He said from the ultra-sound they did yesterday that my ovaries look really good and that everything looked like it was in working order. They will also test my tubes at that time to see if they are blocked at all. And if they are, they will remove the blockage.

So what does this mean!?!? That I'm excited! I'm not totally excited about having Endometriosis, but really who is? I am just glad that I finally know the problem, and that they want to start working towards fixing it.

I will definitely keep everyone updated on how everything goes. I really like this new Dr. He said we will do whatever it takes to get me a little bun in the oven! So I cannot wipe the smile off my face at the thought that this actually might happen! And thank goodness I went to the Dr right!?! Otherwise...I would have never known and it would have never happened!

Thanks again for all the support. It means the world.

God Bless everyone and smiles!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Long time no blog...But I have news!

It has been a while since I blogged. But that is because I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of sould searching. I've really been trying to figure out my life, get my priorties strait and realize what really matters to me, vs. what everyone else thinks should matter!

So...you may remember the discussion I had on MckMama's community about whether or not I should go to a fertility Dr. Everyone said I should go. I felt I should go too, but that also meant admitting something was wrong. And that was very hard for me to do. BUT in admitting something is wrong, I have made an appointment! I go today at 10:30 for my first fertility appointment with this new Dr. My mom ran into a woman she knows at the grocery store. And of course, my mom tells everyone my business...so she tells this woman that my husband and I are having problems getting pregnant and all that good stuff...so this woman says oh my son and his wife had this problems getting pregnant. So she starts going on and on about this Dr they went to, and how they tried for two years and then after going to this Dr they have three kids now! WoW! So I called yesterday and they just so happen to have a cancellation today! I am so excited to get this process started! I have tried to push all the negative out of my mind and think really positive about this!

So please everyone...say your prayers because today is a big day for me! Step 1 to becoming a mommy! (I just love how that sounds =) )

There will be an update later on how it went, what they did, and what they are going to do! Thanks for all the support you all have given to me through all of this. It means more than any of you could ever know.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

16 & Pregnant


I watch the show, I'm not going to lie. Because since trying to conceive I am obsessed with all things babies. =)

But seriously. I get that there is some sort of epidemic or something like that causing all these teenagers to get pregnant, but it almost seems like everyone is trying to glamorize the idea of having a baby while in high school. It's ridiculous. And to be honest...I have to question it. Why?

Why can all these 16 year old girls go out and get pregnant in a bad situation but here I am happily married and I can't? I just don't understand. I know it sounds selfish of me to ask such a question. But why?

I don't honestly feel like anyone is capable of caring for a child when they are that age. I do think that some girls can change their ways and become a good mom, but I don't think at 16, anyone is ready for a baby.

But then I guess I am 21, happily married, stable home and income, and someone thinks I'm not ready either. So this is merely just my opinion.

I am just curious to find out what anyone else thinks about 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, The Pregnancy Pact, and others things of the like. Does it seem like they were glamorizing the idea of having a baby? Did you have kids at a VERY young age? Was it easy for you at all? These are questions I find myself asking, and questions I think every teenage girl should ask before thinking that getting pregnant at such a young age is a good idea...What do you think?

Give-away! (not from me though) =)

I first heard of the vintage pearl from my mom I think, then I saw it on MckMama's blog...then I got this email today about a give-away they are doing! I got a necklace from them for Christmas from my hubby...a little copper bird with two pearl eggs =) (still working on that egg part hehe)

Anyways, they make really cute custom stuff, SO...check it out! right now!