Sunday, March 14, 2010

This is where it gets ugly

So I have been thinking a lot lately. And doing some soul searching. And thinking. And I have thought about many things, mostly things about myself (I know how selfish right?) But most of the things I have been thinking of are things I would like to change. What's the biggest issue I have that I would like to change? Well let me tell is....


I know it's a horrible thing to be. And I hate it. I really do.

And what exactly am I jealous of? People with kids. Women who get to stay home and not work. Women who know how to cook. People who get off at 4:00. People with huge beautiful homes. People with super nice cars. People who seem to "have it all".

We all know people like this don't we? I know I do. Everyone around seems to be like that, have everything they ever wanted. But then I stop to think about it. And I wouldn't trade my life for the world. I have the best husband in the world (in my opinion ladies, calm down), a wonderful step son who fortunately I have a great relationship with, a beautiful house, and a decent car.

But here's where it gets tricky for me. The kid - not mine. The house - not huge/new. The car - not a Range Rover.

So when I see people that have all these, I focus so much on what I don't have that I forget to focus on what I do have. The other thing is, I don't know what those people have gone through to get what they have. Maybe years of hard schooling, maybe working 12 hour days everyday, maybe having to sacrifice time with their family. And then I am back to being thankful for what I have, and remembering to tell myself that I am only 22. I feel like a 35 year old trapped in the body of a 22 year old.

So my goal is to stop being so jealous, stop worrying about material things. Stop caring who has nicer things or more kids than I do. My day will come, and I will feel so blessed when it does.

It's very hard to admit these types of things. Especially on here where anyone and everyone can read it. But I did it. I admit that sometimes, I get jealous. But I am also letting everyone know right now, that I know it isn't right and I plan on fixing it. I have a great life, and it is the life God has given me, and for that alone i should be thankful.

So I am.


  1. Thank you for sharing. I think if we admitted it (which I will) we all have these thoughts. It is a matter of what we do with them that matters.

  2. This is a wonderful post...I have the same feelings but the one that hits home the most for me is your comment "I feel like a 35 year old trapped in a 22 year old body" I have always been more mature than most people my age and now that I've married an older man & spend time with all older friends it really seems like it!